Well here are a few simple admonitions for young and old. / Never intefere in a boy-and-girl fight. / Beware of whores who say they don't want money. / The hell they don't. / What they mean is they want more money. Much more. / If you're doing business with a religious son-of-a-bitch, / Get it in writing. / His word isn't worth shit. / Not with the good lord telling him how to fuck you on the deal. // Words of advice for young people? / If, after having been exposed to someone's presence, / You feel as if you've lost a quart of plasma, / Avoid that presence. You need it like you need pernicious anemia. / We don't like to hear the word "vampire" around here; / We're trying to improve our public image. / Building a kindly, avuncular, benevolent image; / "Interdependence" is the keyword / "Enlightened interdependence" // Life in all its rich variety, take a little, leave a little. / However, by the inexorable logistics of the vampiric process / they always take more than they leave // Now some of you may encounter the Devil's Bargain, / If you get that far. / Any old soul is worth saving, / At least to a priest, / But not every soul is worth buying. / So you can take the offer as a compliment. / He tries the easy ones first. / You know like money, / All the money there is. / But who wants to be the richest guy in some cemetary? / Money won't buy. / Not much left to spend it on, eh gramps? / Getting too old to cut the mustard. // Well time hits the hardest blows. / Especially below the belt. / How's a young body grab you? / Like three card monte, like pea under the shell, / Now you see it, now you don't. / Haven't you forgotten something, gramps? / In order to feel something, / You've got to be there. / You have to be eighteen. / You're not eighteen. / You are seventy-eight. / Old fool sold his soul for a strap-on. / Words of advice for young people?